On Mother's Day, but instead of doing what I said I would do, which was just enjoy the day, it started off rocky. I guess I expected more than I should have expected. Koko Bean woke up around 7am, which was completely unusual for her. Daddy was tired from trying to console her all night as she is still a restless little sleeper. Daddy can't let her cry.She is spoiled rotten. I ended up getting up at 7am fixing breakfast, cleaning, going to the gym, and even got in a little nap. The day ended better than it started I suppose.
Then today, I left work for just a few minutes to go take a check to the company from whom we're buying a house. I dropped off the check, then headed to the gas station as I was on "E." As I was driving down the street, another driver decided to jet across the busy street right in front of me. I slammed on the brakes, skidded, and "BAM!" My airbag deployed as I clipped the back end of her shiny black Mustang Cobra Convertible. All of a sudden, after all the buildup from the day, the week, the month, the anticipation for the months ahead, and the accident, I lost it.
My thumb was throbbing from either the actual airbag or the plastic from the steering wheel as it burst open in front of my face. Thankfully, I avoid my mom's advice, in sitting up straight and close to the steering wheel, so the airbag wasn't even close to my face as it exploded. However, the smell was nauseating, plus it was about time for me to eat. I sat there and cried, but it wasn't a real cry, like a sobbing cry. It was a "trying to cry because I'm so stressed out cry."
As I was waiting for the police, I started to get angry. What if Korbin was with me? What if I was injured? Why would the other driver think she could make it across the road on such a busy street at such a busy time? I was in disbelief. Did this really happen? I knew it was NOT my fault, but man, why now? Why ever?
After all the paperwork was filled out, my car was towed away, and the claim was filed with the insurance company, I started to settle down a bit. I realized this was going to happen no matter what I tried to do to stop it. No, Korbin wasn't with me. There was a reason for this. I needed this slap in the face.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm supposed to be everything, do everything, etc. I can't. I can't keep my house clean for crap, no matter how late I stay up to clean it. I can't do 2 hours of cardio everyday no matter how much I want to lean out for my show. I can't always hold Korbin when she wants me to hold her, although she takes precedent, which is why the house is never clean. I can't stay at home with Korbin like a lot of my friends can with their kids. I can't always answer everybody's emails about supplements in a timely manner. I can't be a perfect "wife," mother, competitor, career woman.
This little incident today made me realize that I can't control everything that happens in my life. I have to let Him be my guide and do what He needs me to do. I fully believe I am fulfilling my calling to teach and preach about health and fitness. I KNOW I'm supposed to be Koko Bean's mommy. Everything else is up to Him. I am excited to see what He's got in store for me. The possibilities are ENDLESS!!
