Blessed by a Brother

It's official. We are now a family of FOUR! Six, if you count the dogs. Just six years, and sixteen days after Koko Bean graced us with her presence, Baby V came into our world.

His birth was completely different than Koko Bean's Birth. While last time I was clueless, I totally knew what to expect this time. Ha! Yeah right! Koko Bean was an easy pregnancy. Baby V was not. I wasn't sick this time, but just sort of felt "icky" at night and we had a few scares with torn placenta and a cyst that sent me to the ER. Koko Bean was vertex by thirty weeks. After 30 weeks, we tried to get a 3D ultrasound with Baby V, thinking he'd be ready for his closeup. Nah. He was still breech and had his head buried in his own little womb pillow, otherwise known as placenta. After I tried everything short of hanging upside down to get him to turn, we tried the 3D ultrasound a couple weeks later. He did not budge. He did manage to open his eyes and glare at us for a second. 

From stinky oils to unorthodox exercises, I tried everything to get this kid to flip. At 37 weeks, on New Year's Eve, push came to shove and we had to make a decision to try an external cephalic version. This natural, "crunchy" mama was not thrilled about getting an epidural, nor was I confident the version would be good for my baby. After hours and hours of research, I had to trust my doctor and go for it. Thankfully, Dr. O was able to wrestle sweet Baby V enough to get his little body bottoms up and we we all celebrated. I thought for sure, this was going to induce labor in the next couple days. 

NOPE!! 

Baby V was not convinced the outside world was ready for him yet. Maybe he was waiting for a special date? I mean, after all, practically my whole family was all born in January. My dad was born on the second, my mother-in-law was the fifth, Sissy Koko Bean is the sixth, and that's just the first week!! My due date was January 16th, (my great aunt's birthday.) My last day of work was January 15th. 

January 16th came. January 16th went. So did the 17th, 18th and 19th. I was adamant about not being induced and I was going to go without an epidural like I had done with Koko Bean. However, on January 19th, my doctor and I came to the realization baby V was going to have to be politely evicted from his comfortable sanctuary, and we scheduled an induction for January 22nd. January 22nd was the day before Baby V's great grandfather's 90th birthday. January 22nd is also that wonderful man's mother's birthday. Baby V was born on the same day as the matriarch of my dad's family. I could not have thought of a more special day. 

Getting induced seemed like a horrible ordeal in my eyes. I had heard about labor pains coming faster and stronger and all these terrible stories about how it didn't work. To say I was anxious, was an understatement. Thankfully, I was at a hospital with an incredibly competent staff. I did not experience anything, but harder and faster labor pains, so I opted for the epidural. I really didn't want my baby drugged, but I also didn't want to put him through stress. To be quite frank, I was over being pregnant and didn't want to prolong this process any longer. I even got to take a nap. That's when the cool stuff happened. 

I fell asleep around 1pm, knowing I was dilated to 3cm. At around 3pm or so, I woke up to a warm hand on my shoulder, and a feeling of someone standing over me. I looked up to where I thought someone was standing. No one was there. I asked my husband if he or a nurse had stood there. He said no one had. My mom was sleeping in a chair next to me and woke up, hearing me talk about this. At that moment, we both started crying. We knew who was there. My daddy had come to tell me it was time. I had the nurse check me and I had dilated to 6cm. Everything happened very fast after that. Even though I know he held him before God placed him in my womb, I can only imagine the joy on his face when his grandson was born just an hour and a half later. 

This little boy was sent as a special gift to remind me of God's love. On Sunday, Baby V will be blessed by our church. This will be almost exactly a year after we found out we were expecting him. Though it took me a while to share this story, I just couldn't seem to find the words. We are incredibly blessed by our newest little Gift. Now, I get to be a mommy to beautiful daughter and a handsome son. I can't wait to watch these two grow up together. 

Luke 1:46-48

46 And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord 

47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 

48 for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed,

Mommy will be okay.

This blog was originally intended for us to chronicle Koko Bean's life and her adventures. Unfortunately, some adventures and events have gone undocumented. At first, I felt like I failed at yet another "perfect mom" task. However, Koko Bean, understands we are extremely busy working parents and the time we do get with her, we live it.

Speaking of living life, as much as I don't want Koko Bean to see me like this, it's been quite the struggle to actually live life myself. I have debated writing about this, because I didn't want her to look back and see that Mom was sad. You can't really hide from her though. She knows.

It's been eight months, and three days since my dad left his earthly life to spend Eternal life in Heaven. While I try to rejoice that he no longer suffers from the excruciating pain he endured, I think of how unfair it is we were left here to mourn. He was always the one to push me to be better, to succeed, and to defeat adversity. My dad would text me every day with jokes, mostly about politics and sports. He taught me to love Jesus, my family and sports. He didn't just tell me to work hard, he showed me how.

Now, that mentor is gone. I feel I have no connection to that man, except to look at pictures and hope he hears me when I talk out loud to him. Sometimes, he visits me in my dreams. He doesn't speak. He just sits there, and watches my children (Baby V is already born in many of my dreams with Dad.) I yearn to hear his voice, and especially his gut-busting laugh. I miss his sarcastic smirk, and his extremely dry sense of humor.

As we approach the holiday season, I sit here and think about what Dad loved about the holidays. He loved his family. He loved us so much, he worked from 3am to God knows when, to make our holidays special. On the eve of Thanksgiving and on Christmas Eve, I would meet him at his biggest stop, and help him stock the shelves with chips, so that he would be able to come home a little bit earlier. That man moved fast. Keeping up with him was a task in itself. After stocking the shelves, my dad didn't just leave though. He stopped and talked with the employees of that store, and other passersby whom he knew. He was always interested in those people's lives, their children, etc.

I've always been more like my dad, in personality and in work ethic. No matter how much Dad hurt, he still loved to work. These days, I'm finding it harder and harder to enjoy anything about life and work. I am angered easily. I don't care for small talk. In fact, it makes me more anxious. Forget about talking on the phone, and face to face conversation is even worse.

Everyone says, grieving takes time, and that you never fully get over the pain. Well, this sucks. When I feel like this, I also feel guilty. There are many other people suffering far more than I. I feel selfish and it's unfair for my family to have an unhappy me. I have many blessings in my life. I have a beautiful daughter who is extremely smart, I have a husband who puts up with my crazy self, I have a mother who gives more of herself than anyone I know, and a brother who is extremely successful, despite everything he's been through. Most of all, I have a loving God who knows my pain and a Savior who died to save me from my sins.

I hope Koko Bean and Baby V never have to go through this themselves, but it is inevitable. When they do, I hope they see it's normal to grieve. I hope they understand it's not the end, but a beginning to a new chapter in the book of life. I hope they know they have a loving God who will comfort them in those times of sadness.