Mommy will be okay.

This blog was originally intended for us to chronicle Koko Bean's life and her adventures. Unfortunately, some adventures and events have gone undocumented. At first, I felt like I failed at yet another "perfect mom" task. However, Koko Bean, understands we are extremely busy working parents and the time we do get with her, we live it.

Speaking of living life, as much as I don't want Koko Bean to see me like this, it's been quite the struggle to actually live life myself. I have debated writing about this, because I didn't want her to look back and see that Mom was sad. You can't really hide from her though. She knows.

It's been eight months, and three days since my dad left his earthly life to spend Eternal life in Heaven. While I try to rejoice that he no longer suffers from the excruciating pain he endured, I think of how unfair it is we were left here to mourn. He was always the one to push me to be better, to succeed, and to defeat adversity. My dad would text me every day with jokes, mostly about politics and sports. He taught me to love Jesus, my family and sports. He didn't just tell me to work hard, he showed me how.

Now, that mentor is gone. I feel I have no connection to that man, except to look at pictures and hope he hears me when I talk out loud to him. Sometimes, he visits me in my dreams. He doesn't speak. He just sits there, and watches my children (Baby V is already born in many of my dreams with Dad.) I yearn to hear his voice, and especially his gut-busting laugh. I miss his sarcastic smirk, and his extremely dry sense of humor.

As we approach the holiday season, I sit here and think about what Dad loved about the holidays. He loved his family. He loved us so much, he worked from 3am to God knows when, to make our holidays special. On the eve of Thanksgiving and on Christmas Eve, I would meet him at his biggest stop, and help him stock the shelves with chips, so that he would be able to come home a little bit earlier. That man moved fast. Keeping up with him was a task in itself. After stocking the shelves, my dad didn't just leave though. He stopped and talked with the employees of that store, and other passersby whom he knew. He was always interested in those people's lives, their children, etc.

I've always been more like my dad, in personality and in work ethic. No matter how much Dad hurt, he still loved to work. These days, I'm finding it harder and harder to enjoy anything about life and work. I am angered easily. I don't care for small talk. In fact, it makes me more anxious. Forget about talking on the phone, and face to face conversation is even worse.

Everyone says, grieving takes time, and that you never fully get over the pain. Well, this sucks. When I feel like this, I also feel guilty. There are many other people suffering far more than I. I feel selfish and it's unfair for my family to have an unhappy me. I have many blessings in my life. I have a beautiful daughter who is extremely smart, I have a husband who puts up with my crazy self, I have a mother who gives more of herself than anyone I know, and a brother who is extremely successful, despite everything he's been through. Most of all, I have a loving God who knows my pain and a Savior who died to save me from my sins.

I hope Koko Bean and Baby V never have to go through this themselves, but it is inevitable. When they do, I hope they see it's normal to grieve. I hope they understand it's not the end, but a beginning to a new chapter in the book of life. I hope they know they have a loving God who will comfort them in those times of sadness.

An Interview with a Kindergartener

Today was day three of Kindergarten for Koko Bean. I have pried and probed, trying to figure out what she does all day. All I get in response to my interrogation is, "I forgot." Really? How do you forget such a wonderful adventure as Kindergarten?? If I could just be a fly on the wall, and see how she interacts with her classmates, (whose names she can't remember, ) and to see what all she's learning, I would be content. Alas, all I get is information about a curly haired girl on the playground and some friend she sits with on the bus, whom she thinks is named "Areola" or is it "Ariella," (God I hope it's the latter.) 

I found some fun questions to ask her about her newest quest for learning. I was hoping this might help me better understand what has been going on in her brilliant little mind.  Here are the results of the interview:

*My grade this year is: Kindergarten 

*I am most excited about: Going outside twice or 3 times. (I didn't realize Kindergarten was like Fort Knox.)

*When I grow up, I want to be: A dog watcher (then she added because I just LOVE dogs.)

*My best friend is: The girl with the curly hair. 

*My favorite book is: I can do it myself.

*My favorite color is: Pink (I really didn't need to ask this.)

*My favorite game is: Frozen (She loves to role play which is the reason she wants a sister. "You can't play Frozen with a brother.")

*My favorite thing to eat for lunch is: Tortillas and cheese. "Mom, after I answer all these questions, may I have another Reese's cup?

*My favorite thing about school is: Going outside. (Hmmm, I'm beginning to see a theme here.)

*The best thing that happened today is: We got to go outside twice. (Yeah, I'm pretty sure her favorite subject is recess. Great.)

Today was her first day of bringing home homework too. We had fun playing the math game she brought home and we will be reading for five minutes every night (something we did anyway.)  She also has homework every night this week in addition to the reading. I think this year will be a challenge for me as well as for her. Here's hoping for a great year and a good foundation for the rest of her years in education. 

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.- Nelson Mandela

Pressing on

Kindergartener.

Big Sister.

You can add these two new titles to Koko Bean's resume.

On May 13, 2014, the day after Daddy and Mommy's wedding anniversary, we found out we were expecting another baby. While we had planned it, and even had gone to the doctor, making necessary changes (i.e., removing the IUD,) it was a big surprise it happened that soon. Doc said it would take about two months. Try three weeks! After a few early scares, including an ambulance ride to the ER for Mommy, we are happy to announce baby brother or sister is due January 16, 2015, just ten days after Koko Bean's SIXTH birthday.

Many things have happened to our little family this year, so bringing a new life into our world is more than a blessing. After losing my dad, Koko Bean's Grandpa Dave in March, just four months later, we lost another great hero in our family- my grandpa Don. Grandpa Don was more than just a step dad to my mom. Grandpa Don was a knight in shining armor to my grandmother and a constant rock in our family for over thirty years. I was honored to give a eulogy for him at his memorial service. The theme was three little words- "He showed up." There is nothing more I can say about that man that would express how we all felt about him.

With all of life's events, we have yet to establish a routine, which is driving Mommy nuts. Work schedules haven't been consistent, workout schedules are virtually non-existent and now we add school to the mix again this month. While Koko Bean has been going to daycare since she was seven weeks old, and preschool for the last two years, this year hit me like a ton of bricks. Baby girl is going to KINDERGARTEN!

I mean, I used to see all the posts from Mommies and Daddies on the first day of school. "Junior is growing up too fast. Where has the time gone?" "Susie can't be ready for Kindergarten." While I loved seeing the adorable kids all dressed up for their first day of school, I'll admit I used to roll my eyes and keep scrolling, like "yeah kids do that. They grow up." It's kind of like getting in a car accident. You don't think it will ever happen to you. You're just driving around with your cruise control on in life, raising this beautiful little creation you helped make. Then crash! This really happens! We officially have a Kindergartener.

I have many thoughts running through my head about her education. What will be her favorite subject? Will she be a leader or sit back and watch? Will she be bullied? She better not be bullied. She better not bully someone else. Please pay attention. Please eat your lunch. I know my kid, but I also know how change affects us all. I am really hoping she enjoys school as much as I did, or more.

Needless to say, we've been on an emotional roller coaster this year. We (mostly Mommy,) are still trying to cope with all these things. There are good days and there are not so good days. We press on though, knowing that our almighty God has promised great things for us. I know He has big things in store for Koko Bean this year.

Proverbs 4:13  Take fast hold of instruction; let [her] not go: keep her; for she [is] thy life.

Time for some Koko bean

It's been a while since I have blogged about Koko bean and her adventures and I might not have time to blog as much as I would like but I need a place to record certain conversations and interactions with Koko bean. Facebook and twitter are probably Koko beaned out by now, but this little girl is full of surprises and I can't help but share.
For instance, she talks about time like she actually knows how much time is in one minute, one hour, one day, or even a year. I just asked her to come up stairs and read with me and her reply was, "can you just give me one minute?" Sure Koko bean. I did not mean to pry you away from Team Umi Zumi too soon. That was five minutes ago. I am blogging. She's still watching her giant tube downstairs.
The other night, she reminded me that last year, she took a bath. I just hope she doesn't go shouting that to all her friends at the gym or at daycare. They might be leary of her presence, specifically her odor.
Well, I'm not exactly sure where the time does go. I remember changing her diapers, nursing her to sleep, and onsies!! I remember the the days of onsies like it was yesterday, but it wasn't yesterday, nor even last year!! One day, she'll understand what time means, when she has a little bean herself. I, however, am going to cling to this time right now, like there is no tomorrow.

Let's Go Fly a Kite

One of my favorite movies is Mary Poppins, and one of my favorite songs on that soundtrack is, "Let's Go Fly a Kite." And that's what we did today. Well, that's what we attempted to do today.
Unfortunately, our Kansas wind wasn't blowing like it normally does, so our kite never really took flight unless we ran with it continuously. Neither Mommy nor Daddy are especially in cardiovascular shape, so let's just say it was quite the task.

Daddy picked out this hideous kite by the way.

Koko Bean had a blast regardless of her kite flying. She had fun running after Daddy.

Daddy even let her have a shot at it.

I enjoyed watching my little girl and her daddy play. I also enjoyed taking advantage of the photo opportunities with my new camera.

How can you resist that little button nose, those tiny sweetheart lips, those beautiful blue eyes and her baby fair skin? I am glad to have these photos to remember my first born like this. A little lump forms in my throat to think we are signing her up for preschool this week!! I have no doubts she'll succeed, but I feel like I was just pregnant yesterday! Can time slow down just a little? Pretty please?

All or Nothing

That's my girl. She is her own person. We have butted heads more than usual lately, but I'm realizing it's because she is her mother's child. Lately, she refuses to wear her hair up because her cousin K2 doesn't wear her hair up and she wants to wear her hair like K2. This is driving me nuts!!

K2 has a lot less hair than Koko Bean but trying to explain that to her is like pulling teeth. I have even threatened to cut her hair off like a boy, but she knows I will not do that and says, "Whatever Mommy." Thankfully, today I was able to fib to her and tell her K2's mommy called today and said she was going to wear her hair in pigtails. (Sorry Koko Bean, but I had to do something to keep you from going blind in one eye. You'll thank me later.)

Koko Bean not only has been making hairstyle decisions, but she has also been making other fashion statements. For instance, today I dressed her in her pink Tapout shirt. She decided to pair it with her black "ballet slippers," as she calls them.

Then she proceded to show me her best ballet moves. That reminds me. She's got some great moves and is extremely coordinated. That's something she must have gotten from Daddy.

She can throw, catch, and kick like no other three-year-old girl I've ever seen! I think she's going to be quite the little athlete.

Something else Koko Bean gets from Daddy are his thick eyelashes. She sure knows how to work them too.

She knows exactly how to bat them just right, in order to get her way.

She is dramatic. She is passionate. She is determined.She is smart enough to know better. All these traits mixed into one kid can cause quite the situation. However, as any good parent thinks, I fully believe this little girl is going to make big waves in this world.

Whatever she does, she will do it with her all. She's an all or nothing girl. Just like Mommy.

Hello Happy Girl

There she is!!

 That's my happy little girl I know!

I{heart}that sweet little smile.

Tonight my little princess came home from daycare in a fabulous mood. She told me all about her day and we painted using milk paint I learned to make on Pinterest of course. I can't wait to hang up her beautiful creations throughout the house. I must admit she's got quite the artistic ability.

She's a very serious artist.

This one looks like a fish!

I even let her paint with her hands.

She thought that was pretty cool.

Mommy made one too. It's the one in the back. Koko Bean is a lot more creative than Mommy.

She told me tigers paint their arms like that.

She thoroughly enjoyed the freedom of making a mess.

 

Being an artist takes a certain kind of thought process. I think she was channeling her inner Michelangelo.

I am glad I got to participate in this fun activity with her this evening. The past two nights have been literally Hell for me. I guess it was my turn to get the bug Koko Bean had last week, but instead of a sinus infection, some overachieving germs gave me bronchitis. While I was down and out yesterday with feverish chills, today I forced myself to get up and fold laundry and do the dishes. I also grabbed my new toy and took some pictures of the snow we received last night.

Please take note these were all taken from inside my house. I think I've found another new hobby though. I hope to be as good as some of my other friends who are budding photographers.

I was also able to get a few shots of Flex frolicking in the snow. He sure loved that white stuff. He was playing hide and seek with something.

Tomorrow, it's supposed to be 55 degrees. Thank God. I enjoy looking at the snow, but I despise driving in it and I definitely don't appreciate the frigid temperatures that go along with it. Here's hoping this is the first and the last snow that falls all year. I am ready for Spring!!