WiDe AwAkE

Here I am wide awake at 1:08 am on a Sunday morning when I know I have to work soon. Koko Bean finally just went to sleep for the night (fingers crossed) after eating not one, but two bowls of Rice Krispies.
I just keep thinking to myself what is a mommy supposed to do?

Everyday, we wake up around 8am, shower, get ready, eat breakfast/take a protein shake, take our vitamins, rush rush rush, forget stuff, pack a lunch, forget something else, start the car, oh crap, I forgot to put Korbin's shoes on and my workout bag, and in a blur, we're out the door and off to daycare.

After dropping the Korbster off at her most wonderful and nurturing daycare, I take the long way to work, and think about how the day will go. I don't know if it's a bad thing or not that I don't even worry about how Korbin is going to be at daycare. Most moms worry if their kid will get hurt, fed enough, changed enough, and all I can think about it is getting to work on time (30 minutes before I need to be there.)

As the day goes by, every time I pick up my phone, I see that sweet face. As I help my customers, each and every one, they ask me how my "baby" is and I tell them she's no longer a baby. They ask about her new adventures and her new words she's saying. We laugh and I can only hope my customers know what I'm giving up to help them meet their goals. By around 3pm, I'm desperately missing my munchkin.

Finally 6pm rolls around, I take my preworkout, change into gym clothes, and head out to get my sweet Koko Bean. She runs to me, and sometimes away from me when I get there. I swear she is the only kid not sitting down EVER at daycare. That girl is always on the move, so full of energy. We thank our daycare lady, blow her kisses, push the button (the garage,) and find the moon. Sometimes, the moon is "nigh nigh" and sometimes he's shining ever so brightly on us.

We drive out to the gym where Korbin immediately exclaims, "PLAY!" and "STICKER!" She loves to play at the gym daycare, but I can't help but think that I may be being selfish. I haven't seen her all day long, and here I am taking her to the gym with me. I could wait until 8pm when Daddy gets off work, but I wouldn't get to the gym until around 9pm and by that time, I'm starving so my workout is a waste. This way I tell myself, I can get her home BY 8pm and have a routine where we bathe, play, eat, read and go to bed.

My workout lasts for about an hour and fifteen minutes, then I sign her back out and head home. Then it's eat or not eat depending on her mood, growth spurt, and if the dewpoint is just so. (Seriously, this kid is a picky picky eater!!)  Daddy usually arrives when we do, so we usually play for a bit and have a nice soothing bath. Then we read a book, pop in a movie and she goes to sleep...wait, no she's not asleep? It's 11pm. Seriously? Did you hear that? "DADDY! MOMMY!" And the battle is on....

We try to rock her, quench her thirst, change her diaper, give her gas drops, then melatonin. Finally she relaxes enough where we can put her in bedroom again. Usually the above happens at least three times, minus the gas drops and melatonin of course. Then she finally dozes off around 12am to 1am. Most nights, she'll sleep until 9am.

The struggle for me is that I'm hoping I am doing the right thing. Working out is for me, and for my job. No one wants to buy supplements or take advice from someone who doesn't appear to live the lifestyle they are trying to sell. It's also a great stress reliever. That brings me to work....I LOVE MY JOB! Seriously, I've never done anything for a paycheck before that I actually looked forward to everyday, even on my days off! But there are those days when I see posts from my SAHM (Stay at home Mommy) friends and I want to be them. How lovely would it be to spend all day with my baby girl. I think about the day that hopefully her daddy and I have our own business and maybe just maybe I'm able to stay at home more often with her. Until then, I will go to work, enjoy my work, and bring home a paycheck in order to give her at least the life I had. Growing up, I never wanted for anything. Not that my parents made a lot of money, but I learned from them that you work for what you want, and you are thankful for what you have. This drive they instilled in me will hopefully pass on to my Korbster. She's already got Grammy's OCD. :)

To all my friends, SAHM friends and working mommy friends, I guess we do what we have to do even if we are making sacrifices either way. I just hope I am doing the right thing.