One day at a Time, One Step at a Time

Raising a three-year-old is hard. Flat out. Hard. How do I discipline? Isn't she supposed to be potty trained by now? Why does she throw these awful fits in public? Why does she beg and beg for something as small as a rubber ball out of a vending machine, and then throw a huge fit about not getting it? How do I reward good behavior? Do I reward good behavior? And why does it seem to take five times as long to get ready to get out of the house?

Lately, there have been a few instances where I've lost my cool and just yelled. Actually I screamed. For instance, we were leaving the gym the other night, where now pretty much everyone knows me, and she was not ready to go, "You go back upstairs and work out Mommy. Come back in a few minutes, OK?" I have done this once to her request. Big mistake. Now, she thinks she runs the show and when I told her no, I had to drag her out of the gym, kicking and literally screaming to the top of her lungs. As I walked her out to the car, with both our bags and her, barely dangling on my hip, I just put my head down and made a bee line to the car. When I finally wrestled her into her car seat, I stayed outside the vehicle for a minute to catch my breath. Even that breath didn't work, so I ended up screaming myself.

Then there are those moments when Mommy's sense of urgency and Koko Bean's sense of stubborn three-year-oldness collide. For example, getting ready in the morning is quite the task. It's a lot of coaxing and negotiating really. If I try to put clothes on her, she wants to wear pajamas to daycare. If she does want to wear clothes, her socks have to be just right, which essentially means inside out so the line doesn't "bother" her. When we finally leave, I have to let her climb into the vehicle by herself. That's when she takes her time, observing every single extra in the car, like the "oh crud" handle. She'll want to touch everything and hang on stuff and push buttons, but when Mommy tries to speed up the process, she gets very upset and we have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad Koko Bean is independent. I don't want to discourage her do-it-myself-attitude. There are many things I'm glad she can do herself. She always tries to put on her coat and her socks by herself. She was a very good girl when the chiropractor gave her her first adjustment today. She also loves to help feed the dogs and picks up her toys when we leave the gym daycare. (Now, only if she'd do that at home.)

I guess that since this is my first rodeo in child rearing, I have no idea what to expect, nor what I'm supposed to expect of her. It's definitely a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants sort of gig for which you can never be prepared. I am just praying that each decision I make for her, for me, for our family, doesn't disrupt development or her fragile self esteem. Kids are resilient though. I know she needs discipline. I know that getting onto her today isn't going to affect her tomorrow. She won't be mad forever. Hopefully, the only way it affects tomorrow is for the good. I know she needs love, and lots of it, but there are moments when I just need my "me time." Then there are times when I need to suck it up, put down the phone, stop doing the laundry, and just hold her. There will be a time she won't ask for it anymore and when I ask, she won't let me. And as I sit here and vent about raising a preschooler, I can't help but think how all the good will always wash out any bad, big or small, any day.